Overthinking is a difficulty that people often bring to counselling, usually as part of low mood/depression or anxiety. However, it can also occur in a range of other situations such as when self-esteem or confidence are low, or after a bereavement or the loss of a significant relationship. In these circumstances we might find that we repeatedly dwell on negative thoughts about ourselves, “what if” worries about the future or how the loss we’ve experienced means that we will struggle to be happy ever again. These thoughts can unfortunately cause us to feel more down or anxious. If we get very stuck in overthinking, it can also block us from doing what we ideally want to be doing with our time.
It is really natural that our minds go into overthinking. Our minds have evolved to keep us safe by trying to find solutions to problems that might be a threat to us. This can often be very helpful of course. However, unfortunately the mind sometimes gets stuck going over and over regrets about the past that we can’t now change, or worrying about things in the future over which we have no control. We can also find ourselves trying to think our way out of emotional states, which is rarely effective.
Here are some simple ways to step out of overthinking when it feels like your thoughts aren’t leading you anywhere constructive:
- Get some distance from unhelpful thoughts – There are many strategies for doing this and different ones work for different people. One of the most common is to simply label the type of thinking process that is happening e.g. “worrying”, “ruminating”, or simply “overthinking”. By doing this we are taking more of an observer perspective on what is happening in our minds, rather than being so involved in the content of the thoughts. Another way is to write our thoughts down. Sometimes when we externalise them they don’t seem as scary as when they are spinning around in our minds. Getting them out onto paper can also make them less likely to continue replaying in our minds.
- Refocus attention on the present moment – Any sensory experience can support us in doing this. We might try connecting with the body by noticing the contact between the feet and the floor, the thighs and our seat, focusing on our breath or doing a few stretches. We could also engage with our senses; noticing what we can see around us, what we can hear, anything we can smell or any aftertaste of food or drink in our mouths.
- Use mindfulness practices regularly to become more aware of thoughts – If we practice mindfulness on a frequent basis, we start to notice our thoughts more. Over time we can develop a greater familiarity with our patterns of mind. The quicker we are able to recognise that we have started to have negative thoughts or to worry, the quicker we can step out of them.
- Develop a regular practice of focusing on what you appreciate in everyday life – It can be helpful to spend just a few minutes each day reflecting on what we are grateful for. These don’t need to be big things, they could simply be the view you see on your way to work or a refreshing cup of tea. It can be especially helpful to focus on the details, such as the qualities you appreciate in a person in your life, the specific affectionate behaviours of your pet or the attributes of an object you are glad you have. Focusing on gratitude in this way can help to rebalance the negativity bias of the mind. It is often said in the mindfulness approach that pleasant experiences are like teflon to the mind, they tend to slide off. Whilst unpleasant experiences are like velcro, they tend to stick. We need to make a conscious effort to bring attention to the pleasant aspects of life to reinforce them and help them to be remembered.
If you live in the Exeter area and would like to learn more about ways to step out of overthinking or worry, I will be facilitating a workshop on this subject, called Mindset Mastery, on Monday 28th April, 7-9pm – please see here for further details. I also offer individual counselling in Newton Abbot, Exeter and online which can include practices and strategies for stepping out of overthinking.
AI was not used in the writing of this blog post.